How to talk to strangers when you have social anxiety
The boundary first, because it matters more than anything else on this page. Social anxiety runs from "I dread this and do it anyway" to a diagnosable condition that shapes where somebody can work and live. Nothing here treats the second one. If avoidance is costing you work, friendships or study, take it to a doctor or a therapist. That works better than any website.
The rest of this page is for the milder end.
The one study about doing it repeatedly
Most of this guide argues that a wrong belief is the barrier. This is the study that tested whether the belief can be moved. Over a week, at two universities, one group went out each day to find and talk to a stranger, while the control group approached one and only observed. Between them the talkers had over 1,300 conversations in a week.
Two things shifted against the controls. They became less pessimistic about being rejected, and more confident they could hold a conversation. Both were still there a week later.
Why repetition and not advice
If the barrier is a prediction that never gets tested, reading that the prediction is wrong changes very little. A single good conversation is easy to discount. Volume is what stops it being discountable.
Being straight about the evidence
The participants signed up for a study and were not selected for social anxiety, so strictly it says nothing about a clinical population. "At least a week" is exactly as long as the follow-up ran, and a real share dropped out or failed an honesty check partway through.
So: promising, one study, short follow-up, wrong population for the worst cases. That is a reasonable basis for trying something cheap and a poor basis for anything else.
Cheap is the only claim we make for a site like this one. It is not a course of treatment. If the avoidance is heavy enough to shape where you work or whether you go out, that still belongs with a doctor.
Where this comes from
A week of repeatedly talking to strangers made people less pessimistic about being rejected and more confident in their ability to hold a conversation, and the shift was still there a week later.
What the study actually did
A week-long intervention run at two universities, one in the US (135 people) and one in the UK (151). A phone app set daily scavenger-hunt missions. The treatment group had to find, approach and talk to a stranger; the control group found and approached a stranger but only observed them. The treatment group had more than 1,300 conversations between them over the week. Both fear of rejection and belief in one's own conversational ability had moved relative to controls, and were re-measured a week after the study finished.
What it doesn't show. Anything about clinical social anxiety. Participants were university study volunteers, not people selected or diagnosed for an anxiety disorder, so this is not evidence about treatment. "Lasting" means as long as the follow-up ran — one week. Between 12% and 17% of participants dropped out before four days and a further 11% to 18% failed an honesty check, which limits the result and also says something about how hard the task was. One study, and we know of no independent replication of it.
Sandstrom, G. M., Boothby, E. J., & Cooney, G. (2022). Talking to strangers: A week-long intervention reduces psychological barriers to social connection. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 102, 104356 ·
10.1016/j.jesp.2022.104356
